On July 9, 2016, I had type 2 diabetes and hypertension. I recall going to church that day knowing my blood sugar was over 300. Not feeling well- my health and wellness in question. The choir was singing “Worth” by Anthony Brown & Group Therapy. Immediately, God told me to change my life. Get healthy, and I wasn’t alone. Sparking my journey. A journey that will never end for me.
Early in the week, I ran into the trainer I had then. Our brief conversation reminded me of July 9th and triggered the inadequacy I felt during, before, and after. The reunion of snarky snacks and me.
When I started my journey six years ago, I thought I had to look a certain way. Didn’t accept my curves. Equated health and wellness with BMI. Pushed my mental health to the back burner. However, running into the trainer brought back my jitters. My need to control the outcome instead of acknowledging how vulnerable I felt.
I thought about what I didn’t see in me then- how I felt I had to prove myself to myself consistently. So, I went to my go-to, snarky snacking. Snarky snacking is judging my actions while eating not to satisfy moderation but to feed my insecurity.
Writing my post this week is my health and wellness mental reset; even, to relinquish control allowing grace to lead. I am a WORK IN PROGRESS (WIP). Since then, I’ve had to say to myself, stop the pressure! No rigid schedule again!
Instead, I focused more on the activities that I enjoy like going to dinner with friends! Celelebrating my small victories! For a split second, I almost reverted. Then I remembered it was not all or nothing. It is an investment in ME- in my health and wellness!
There are days when my feeling of inadequacy wins; however, the next day, I start again.
t is my way of releasing the past, being present in the moment, and hugging the future.
It is easy to forget.
It has been a long journey to get to a history of diabetes and hypertension. Through it all, even a pandemic, I give all praise to God – HE told me, then; I didn’t listen. He told me again, I partially listened. He nudged me again- I listened. It was hard to hear since I wanted to continue to check the boxes. I wanted the perfect plan, but does perfection exist? It doesn’t exist for me, and I accept that.
I am listening.
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