Sometimes, I need to reflect on the foundation of my being. I want to think about the love, support, and guidance generously given from the matriarch in my family-BIG MAMA. Fortunately, I was able to have both of my grandmothers well into my adulthood. Both were the pillars in addition to foundation of the family that I’ve come to adore. My grandmothers, Henrietta Patterson and Helen Edwards shaped my definition of Big Mama. I spent countless holidays, many summers, and hours after school at their homes. These women-built families and constructed the framework of the true meaning of family ties and love.
Although my grandmothers were alike in their family expectations, each woman was different. Mrs. Helen Edwards, momma, was my maternal grandmother. I never heard her raise her voice. However, she clearly conveyed her message. As a child, I knew snickers or ice cream were in the freezer. Ultimately, a hushed tone when her story was on television. Her guided approach as Big Mama.
Ms. Henrietta Patterson, Grandma Pumpkin, was my paternal grandmother. She was firm in her beliefs yet subtle in her approach. Even more, a fashionista. As well as, active in her church. Also, I knew not to run in and out of the house or sit in the front room. The inspired lead as Big Mama.
Above all, I want to honor them with heavenly love and their contributions to my family’s history- their motherhood.
Momma was born in Mississippi in the mid-1930s. Her mom died when she was young. Subsequently, raised by her sisters. She met my grandfather as a young teen. Married by thirteen. Birthed my mom at fifteen, followed by my mother’s sister and three brothers. My grandmother had a sixth-grade education. With this in mind, she was a caregiver, nurturing, listener, financial adviser, and supporter.
Momma would prepare banana pudding, homemade. Indeed, I loved to have a serving when it was warm after coming out of the oven. In fact, my eldest sister shared the recipe was stovetop and not from the oven. Regardless, the memory of her banana pudding is home for me. I regret not learning her recipe. Passing it on to my children. Motherhood defined in the fond memories of the kitchen while preparing the dessert. She talked about the importance of the recipe but never measured any of the ingredients. As a child, I thought it was magic. Now I know she had skills! Big Mama magic!
She told me, “Don’t settle. Live your life the way you want to live it.” It’s okay not to settle. She told me to live. There is so much power in her words. I interpreted her words to mean that I would be okay; no matter how challenging the situation, I would be okay. I am so grateful for her guidance. Big Mama knowledge that I hold close today!
Grandma Pumpkin was born in the late 1920s. Her mom died at a young age, so she and her brother were raised by her mother’s sister. My grandmother had three sons. She worked as a nurser’s aid for an African American doctor for four decades and could close a mall! I spent many summers sitting on the large porch at my Grandma Pumpkin’s home with my cousins. She had an enormous yard that my cousins and I put some miles on running back and forth.
My parents met each other later in their lives. I was eight years old when they met. So, it was around that time I met my grandmother, and I will never forget her words to “come here, baby”- as a child, feeling the love of that moment will never go away. At that moment, I knew I was home in a family that represented strong family ties and sticking together.
The emotional and physical contributions of women before me shaped the foundation of many opportunities for women today, but to have the honor to be nurtured, loved, and led by my grandmothers as a young girl, teen, and woman was a blessing. I am grateful for their strength passed on to me. They gave me a voice nurtured through multiple avenues.
A voice is power, whether soft, commanding, or elegant. There will be times voices are lost and feel unheard, but as I remind myself each day, don’t stop searching, keep fighting, and don’t give up. It took me several years to understand the power of Big Mama’s– their motherhood strength manifested through their protection in word, in a meal, a story, or a fantastic outfit.
I miss them very much, but I always carry their love and lessons with me.
