This week’s post will wrap up my About Me series, a single mom seeking to find her way. With that in mind, It has been a freeing experience sharing my evolution in the ‘80s and ‘90s.
With this in mind, I was 28 years old when I went back to college at Indiana University Northwest (IUN) after resigning from the American Red Cross to work overnights as a phlebotomist. The program I’d chosen required full-time commitment during the day.
Offsetting my decrease income by applying for subsidized programs. Programs that assisted with rent, gas, and childcare since I was a single mom. In addition qualifying for financial aid and college work-study employment.
However, it did not help the decrease in my income resulting in my car being repossessed. Consequently, leading an issue with getting to school, but a friend lent me her struggle buggy, a 1983 Toyota Corolla.
Shortly after I purchased a 1982 Pontiac Sunbird with no heat or air conditioning. While under a blanket, my son asked me while sitting at the red light on 25th Burr, “Mommy, can they (people in the car next to us) see their breath like us?” Mommy was too stunned to speak.
My motivation was my children, friends, and a man, whom I married.
We met at a happy hour on the Southside of Chicago at a small hole in the wall lounge on the dance floor. I hopped, but stomp was the next move. After that, we started talking and hanging out. Eventually we got engaged. Married a year later. My youngest child was born the following year. Growing to love his mom, grandmother, and grandfather. His grandfather would fuss about my inability to parallel park. His mom was supportive and kind. Didn’t judge. She guided. I miss her.
Reflecting on that time, I was so secure in being insecure. Not the best communicator. Later finding out, nor was he. We tried counseling. Our son was one when our marriage ended. Of course, after my marriage ended, my energy shifted. Truly leaving little time to focus on me. As my priority was supporting my children. Focusing on earning money. Ultimately going back to school, finishing with my Bachelors and Masters.
Gradually, being a single mom, my mindset shifted to autopilot. But there was a battle within me. Certainly, the years that followed brought more uncertainty. Self-acceptance hasn’t come easy, nor has confidence. More importantly, through the grace of God, I changed over time I matured, prayed more, cried when I needed, and screamed when necessary.
Still, I have work to do. Fortunately, my adult children that support my craziness. Sisters that pull up and hop out of the car. Mentors that point me east when I’m spinning west.
In a nutshell, I learned being fluid is a willingness to be open to finding my interests which does not mean neglecting others or hiding what the Lord has for me. Moms work hard (I know I did), and I am happy to acknowledge that taking a few minutes for me help me show up as a better version of myself.
It’s hard to make time for yourself as a single mom but I would encourage you to take five minutes or ten minutes each day for you. Above all, remember, you deserve it.
To my youngest son, the free spirit- you make me a better person. Your energy reminds me that acceptance and self-love start from within me each day. I love you, son. Keep seeking to make an impact in the world.
