This month has been a whirlwind full of learnings and surprises. One thing’s for sure; I was not too fond of some of the learnings or surprises. In fact, I did not handle it very well. I daresay a few times I spiraled, but through God’s grace, I could see the growth I needed to keep elevating. It was through grace; I was courageous enough to be self-accountable. Steady myself. Plant my feed on the ground. I could take courage in being self-accountable.

Then, I sobbed. I needed to cleanse my heart. I wanted to rid my mind of negative thoughts. Ultimately, my tears were freedom. Courage to feel.

Indeed, for me, freedom of acknowledgment while, at the same time, owning that the learnings were hard. Subsequently, allowing me to build my growth muscle which brought on delayed muscle soreness (DOMS), but in this case, my DOMS was Determining Optimistically My Steps, so I could clearly see while extending self-compassion that being a work in progress is just that…work. Self-accountability to have the courage to increase self-compassion.

The courage and freedom to realize that it’s a marathon, not a sprint, even though I wanted it to be a sprint. However, I quickly grasped that the faster I ran, the more I fell, inflicting negative thinking in my mind like scraping my knee. It hurt. Despite the emotional injury, I still got back up to run faster, only to sustain another mental scrape and further mental strain like scraping the opposite knee and muscle strain. It wasn’t until the last mental injury that I was forced to sit down, recalculate, and rest so I could heal.

My Healing Process

Determination

My Ego Self and I had a sit-down, serious conversation. No longer could I allow negative self-talk about who, what, when, where, and how someone else hindered my progress. Typically, the statements in my mind begin with “if XXX hadn’t…” and “I can’t believe ABC said XYZ to me.”

Admittedly, I sat in that frame of mind for a few days despite knowing that staying was procrastination. Staying allowed fear and unreasonable self-imposed expectations to lead instead of pivoting. Seeking a different way. Celebrating what I’d accomplished and then continuing to move forward in the joyous life that God has planned for me.

Optimistically being Self-Accountable

I’d set personal expectations. In doing so, I gave myself little to no room to adjust. Yet again, I competed with myself. Consequently, I began to experience the throat, gut, and neck phenomena:

• Lump in my throat!
• Uneasiness in my gut!
• Tension in my neck!

I was overwhelmed.

My Steps

Subsequently, I realized that I needed to re-evaluate my thoughts on how I needed to show up, why I felt I had something to prove, and the self-inflicted pressure birthed from being overwhelmed. So, I said the words out loud:

• I am tired. 
• I am at capacity.

Firstly, it stopped the autopilot. Secondly, it enabled me to take a step back. Thirdly, I enjoyed taking a breath. Lastly, rediscovering the zest of being fully present in the moment.

Again, I reminded myself that self-acceptance is unapologetic. More importantly, I am reminded:

• Self-Forgiveness releases limiting beliefs.
• Self-Acceptance is taking time to be kind to my mind.
• Self-Gratitude is finding happiness in the reprieve.
• Self-Care is also self-regulation, and I must manage my behaviors, reactions, and feelings to things around me.
• Self-Trust is loving myself through the process with determination and courage.
• Self-Love is a persistence of seeing no limitations in believing in myself.